e·mo·tion·al in·tel·li·gence
noun
1. the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's
emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and
empathetically."emotional intelligence is the key to both personal and
professional success"
At a recent managers conference we had a guest speaker talk to us about
Emotional Intelligence. I had heard this term before but didn't think
much of it until hearing this speaker and it resonated me very deeply.
It aligns so much with my understanding of living an authentic life. So
the research began. I found this article on
INC.COM
and it hit home on a deeper level, although I believe we can use this
in every aspect of our life...So what is "emotional intelligence"
It is a way to focus your energy with tremendous results.
But there's a catch. Emotional intelligence won't do a thing for you if you aren't genuine.
Sincere leaders are far more effective at motivating people, because
they inspire trust and admiration through their actions, not just their
words. Many leaders say that authenticity is important to them, but
genuine leaders walk their talk every day.
It's not enough to just go through the motions, trying to demonstrate
qualities that are associated with emotional intelligence. You have to
be genuine.
You can do a gut check to find out how genuine you are by comparing your
own behavior with that of people who are highly genuine. Consider the
hallmarks of genuine people and see how you stack up.
"Authenticity requires a certain measure of vulnerability, transparency, and integrity." -Janet Louise Stephenson
1. Genuine people don't try to make people like them.
Genuine people are who they are. They know that some people will like
them, and some won't. And they're OK with that. It's not that they don't
care whether other people will like them but simply that they're not
going to let that get in the way of doing the right thing. They're
willing to make unpopular decisions and to take unpopular positions if
that's what needs to be done.
Since genuine people aren't desperate for attention, they don't try to
show off. They know that when they speak in a friendly, confident, and
concise manner, people are much more attentive to and interested in what
they have to say than if they try to show that they're important.
People catch on to your attitude quickly and are more attracted to the
right attitude than what or how many people you know.
2. They don't pass judgment.
Genuine people are open-minded, which makes them approachable and
interesting to others. No one wants to have a conversation with someone
who has already formed an opinion and is not willing to listen.
Having an open mind is crucial in the workplace, as approachability
means access to new ideas and help. To eliminate preconceived notions
and judgment, you need to see the world through other people's eyes.
This doesn't require you to believe what they believe or condone their
behavior; it simply means you quit passing judgment long enough to truly
understand what makes them tick. Only then can you let them be who they
are.
3. They forge their own paths.
Genuine people don't derive their sense of pleasure and satisfaction
from the opinions of others. This frees them up to follow their own
internal compasses. They know who they are and don't pretend to be
anyone else. Their direction comes from within, from their own
principles and values. They do what they believe to be the right thing,
and they're not swayed by the fact that somebody might not like it.
4. They are generous.
We've all worked with people who constantly hold something back, whether
it's knowledge or resources. They act as if they're afraid you'll
outshine them if they give you access to everything you need to do your
job. Genuine people are unfailingly generous with whom they know, what
they know, and the resources they have. They want you to do well,
because they're team players and they're confident enough to never worry
that your success might make them look bad. In fact, they believe that
your success is their success.
5. They treat everyone with respect.
Whether interacting with their biggest clients or servers taking their
drink orders, genuine people are unfailingly polite and respectful. They
understand that no matter how nice they are to the people they have
lunch with, it's all for naught if those people witness them behaving
badly toward others. Genuine people treat everyone with respect because
they believe they're no better than anyone else.
6. They aren't motivated by material things.
Genuine people don't need shiny, fancy stuff to feel good. It's not that
they think it's wrong to go out and buy the latest and greatest items
to show off their status; they just don't need to do this to be happy.
Their happiness comes from within, as well as from the simpler
pleasures--such as friends, family, and a sense of purpose--that make
life rich.
7. They are trustworthy.
People gravitate toward those who are genuine because they know they can
trust them. It is difficult to like someone when you don't know who
that person really is and how he or she really feels. Genuine people
mean what they say, and if they make a commitment, they keep it. You
never hear truly genuine people say, "Oh, I just said that to make the
meeting end faster." You know that if they say something, it's because
they believe it to be true.
8. They are thick-skinned.
Genuine people have a strong enough sense of self that they don't go
around seeing offense that isn't there. If somebody criticizes one of
their ideas, they don't treat this as a personal attack. There's no need
for them to jump to conclusions, feel insulted, and start plotting
their revenge. They're able to objectively evaluate negative and
constructive feedback, accept what works, put it into practice, and
leave the rest of it behind without developing hard feelings.
9. They put away their phones.
Nothing turns someone off to you like a mid-conversation text message or
even a quick glance at your phone. When genuine people commit to a
conversation, they focus all of their energy on the conversation. You
will find that conversations are more enjoyable and effective when you
immerse yourself in them. When you robotically approach people with
small talk and are tethered to your phone, this puts their brains on
autopilot and prevents them from having any real affinity for you.
Genuine people create connection and find depth even in short, everyday
conversations. Their genuine interest in other people makes it easy for
them to ask good questions and relate what they're told to other
important facets of the speaker's life.
10. They aren't driven by ego.
Genuine people don't make decisions based on their egos because they
don't need the admiration of others to feel good about themselves.
Likewise, they don't seek the limelight or try to take credit for other
people's accomplishments. They simply do what needs to be done without
saying, "Hey, look at me!"
11. They aren't hypocrites.
Genuine people practice what they preach. They don't tell you to do one
thing and then do the opposite themselves. That's largely owing to their
self-awareness. Many hypocrites don't even recognize their mistakes.
They're blind to their own weaknesses. Genuine people, on the other
hand, fix their own problems first.
12. They don't brag.
We've all worked with people who can't stop talking about themselves and
their accomplishments. Have you ever wondered why? They boast and brag
because they're insecure and worried that if they don't point out their
accomplishments, no one will notice. Genuine people don't need to brag.
They're confident in their accomplishments, but they also realize that
when you truly do something that matters, it stands on its own merits,
regardless of how many people notice or appreciate it.
Bringing It All Together
Genuine people know who they are. They are confident enough to be
comfortable in their own skin. They are firmly grounded in reality, and
they're truly present in each moment because they're not trying to
figure out someone else's agenda or worrying about their own.
